A story I want to share with everyone because it has transformed my life, and because as much as I want to share it I want to remember it for myself.
Let me paint a picture for those who were not there.
I am in a softly lit room, in Antigua Guatemala, an amazing message was just shared although right now I do not remember what it was even about. IGNITE class 11 has been invited to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit, and the leaders have gone around laying hands on each of them praying for them.
Then one of the leaders tells us there is an open time of worship and prayer about to happen. Kristin one of my field time overseers is sitting next to me already, Brittany an RA comes to sit beside me both ask if they can pray for me. As Brittany begins praying for me I thought "how kind of them to make me feel included." Suddenly the words pop into my head "You know you're welcome here right?" it was the LORD. "You need to stop believing that you're not welcome here Manon."
I don't even remember the prayers of Brittany and Kristin, but my eyes became teary, as I thought about the significance of these words spoken to my heart. I had started to withdraw as class 11 had been there believing I was the one who now had to be strong for every one. I had started to believe I couldn't ask for prayers or time to talk things out. This was not just in IGNITE that I have had these feelings, but also at church, and camp, and my own family, back home. this was not by any means the fault of anyone but myself, the devil had catered to my pride, and I believed I had some kind of image to uphold.
However as I cut off fellowship I stopped walking in the light, sharing my weaknesses, confessing my sins, and as that happened my relationship with God became more and more distant, not being able to talk out my guilt, and confess my sins I was walking in darkness. I slowly felt the separation from God that would have been so easily removed if only I had shared with others my struggles and sins. Because of that I had started to believe I could not come to God.
So when God said "you're welcome here."
God did not only mean in that moment You're welcome here in this pfm family, you're welcome in the family of the church, but most deeply affecting me, was as He spoke those words, it also meant "You are welcome in my presence, to worship me and enjoy sweet fellowship."
the Prayer ends, and I ask if I can in return pray for them. I thank God for each one, and neither of them yet realizes the impact that one small act of prayer had just done in my heart as they obeyed the promptings of the Holy Spirit. I finished praying Brittany leaves Kristin begins worshiping with the music, lifting my eyes I immediately thought of my team mates, I found Emily and prayed for her, then seeing each of the others being prayed over I return to my spot, and I worshiped, I was free. Every wall I had let be in the way was removed by the words "You're welcome here."
These are some scriptures that have been on my mind today.
"All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out... No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him. And I will raise him up on the last day. It is written in the Prophets, ‘And they will all be taught by God.’ Everyone who has heard and learned from the Father comes to me— not that anyone has seen the Father except he who is from God; he has seen the Father. Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes has eternal life." John 6: 37, 44-47
" If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. " 1 John 1:6-9
" The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you,[a] not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance." 2 Peter 3:9
"Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 6:6-11
Manon's Reading Corner
Monday, November 7, 2016
Monday, October 3, 2016
More Than Just Equals.
Philipians 2:3
“Do nothing
from rivalry or conceit,
but in humility
count others more significant
than yourselves.”
What to say about this verse, how does
it relate today. I like to think it doesn't apply to me, I am not
trying to compete with anyone, am I?
However I do often find myself trying
to be right, and I find I don't like to be wrong. Is that a bad
thing? Maybe not in itself, but maybe the motive is. All though I am
not trying to compete with anyone specific, I find myself trying to
maintain this image of correctness. Why? It only frustrates me more
because in reality I want to be perfect. It frustrates me because I
obviously am not, I see that and I hate when others see it too. I am
grateful for those around me though, because they do not hate me for
it. That has begun a process of letting go the need to look perfect,
but it still gets to me at times.
“Count others more significant than
yourselves.”
This also hits me, I don't look down on
others. I count others as my equals, that is all that is required of
us now a days. To treat others as equals will make you highly
respected in America or most other places in the world. God however
is looking deeper. To treat another as an equal is good, but it is
not the kind of love that God pours into us. When Jesus died on the
cross he esteemed our lives more significant than His own. When He
washed the disciples feet He showed that place as their Master did
not make service an inappropriate thing for one Who is Highly
esteemed.
The Law said love God with all that you
are and love your neighbor as yourself. Jesus said a new command I
give you that you love one another as I have loved you, by this
others shall know you are my disciples, by your love one for another.
Jesus has called us to a deeper love.
And I may get brownie points from men for loving others as myself, as
my equals, but not with God. He asks more. How can I live with a
sacrificial love. How can I practically show love to others and treat
them as more significant than myself?
All the while I think about this, yes
practical acts of love are good, but I am not satisfied with that.
God wants a heart change rather than a
habit change. It is twofold.
And the truth is my heart is not right
in this area.
Yes I think it is going to be a twofold
thing.
Application.
Count others as more significant than
myself instead of just equals from the heart, and act upon it.
How?
I will pray and ask God to change my
mind and heart on this, and also be intentional in looking for ways
to lift others up today, to count them more significant then myself.
Monday, September 19, 2016
The Women Who Loved Much.
Luke 7:36-50
“One of the Pharisees asked him to eat with him, and he went into
the Pharisee's house and reclined at table. And behold, a woman of
the city, who was a sinner, when she learned that he was reclining at
table in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster flask of
ointment, and standing behind him at his feet, weeping, she began to
wet his feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head
and kissed his feet and anointed them with the ointment. Now when the
Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this
man were a prophet, he would have known who and what sort of woman
this is who is touching him, for she is a sinner.” And Jesus
answering said to him,“Simon, I have something to say to you.”
And he answered, “Say it, Teacher.”
“A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred
denarii, and the other fifty. When they could not pay, he cancelled
the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more?” Simon
answered, “The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger
debt.” And he said to him, “You have judged rightly.” Then
turning toward the woman he said to Simon, “Do you see this woman?
I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has
wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me
no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my
feet. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my
feet with ointment.
I tell
you,
her
sins,
which
are many,
are
forgiven—for she loved much.
But he
who is forgiven little, loves little.”
And he said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”
Then those who were at table with him began to say
among themselves, “Who is this, who even forgives sins?”
And he said to the woman, “Your faith has saved
you; go in peace.”
this is a long piece of scripture to
try and IBS there is so much in it. The emphasis however is verse 47.
and there I shall direct most of my attention, while keeping in mind
the whole story.
I love this story, my heart is moved as
I think of the love this women had for Jesus. She came with a heart
to serve and bless Jesus. I do not by any means think she came with
the intent to do a good work and earn His favor. I think she came
already knowing she had been forgiven. The parable Jesus told
indicates what her heart had already been through. How did she know
Jesus could or would forgive her? What had happened to her previously
that day, week, month, year, or years to make her believe that she
had been forgiven by this Jesus? What kind of sins had she committed?
Here it only labels her sinner. The type of sin didn't matter. Even
as with each of us the type of sin does not matter, the fact remains
we are each a sinner.
Had she during her prayer time heard
God speak to her heart saying that through His servant and son Jesus
she would be forgiven. We don't know what led up to this outpouring
of love events wise. However any of us who have experienced the
forgiveness of God knows what transpired in her heart that day as she
came to worship and give thanks to the new Lord of her life. How deep
her love must have been to walk right into a room full of men who
would gladly stone her. Who despised and looked down on her. How
fierce her love must have been, she knew that in the midst of these
scorners was the One Who loved her, and whom she loved deeply. It
made her forgetful of what surrounded her, forgetful of the shame and
set her free to love without restraint.
When we walk close to Jesus and love
Him we will be surrounded by those who hate and look down on us,
because of our past, or our association with Him.
What kind of love was it that drove her
there? It was not her own. Here we see a truth displayed clearly.
The type of sin does not matter.
The amount of sin doesn't matter.
We all have a debt we are helpless and
unable to pay.
We all have a Help to pay it.
Jesus is our Help.
Jesus has the power to forgive sins.
If we understand the depth of our sin
even if we never did the “big sins” we would understand the Depth
of His love.
If we understand the depth of His love
we will not be able to resist coming closer to Him even if that means
coming into a room of scoffers.
Even if it means coming into a place of
being despised.
It means that no matter where Jesus is
we will follow, because “Your steadfast love is better than life”
Psalm 63:3. Because we cannot bear being away from Him.
Do you love like that? Jesus said “They
shall know that you are my disciples by your love for one another.”
Last night I heard it said that the
love of the LORD makes His bride fierce. Do we have a fierce
unrelenting love? Do I have a fierce unrelenting love, that will
drive me to places I know I will be despised by others? One that does
not care because I need to be near my Savior, to show Him the love
and gratitude I have for Him? One that says “my soul clings to
you;”? Psalm 63:8. The answer is some days yes, and other days I
forget that I am forgiven, forget that in His eyes I am no longer
only a women a sinner. I am His “delight” Psalm 18:19
Application.
Live in an understanding of God's love
for me.
How?
Today if I remember my past forgiven
sins, I will not neglect to remember that God has forgiven me, by
quoting aloud or in my heart Lamentations 3:21-23. If I keep
struggling to let it go, I will ask a trusted friend for prayer and
talk it out with them.
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
Desire That I Can Not Escape From. That I Can Only Surrender To.
Luke 9:23
“And he said to all,
“If anyone would come after me,
let him deny himself
and take up his cross daily
and follow me.”
Lately I have noticed a lack of
surrender in my own life, more so than ever yesterday. Why yesterday?
I was browsing Facebook when I came
across a long post by one of my IGNITE classmates, it was an IBS. I
don't remember all of it. It's sadly quite easy for me to read
something and forget it. What I do remember was the application was
one of a heart surrendered to God.
The funny thing is that it didn't make
me feel depressed or condemned or guilty even.
It made me feel encouraged and hopeful.
It gave me another feeling...
Desire.
Desire for growth in my own heart.
Desire to be closer to God than I am right now. And I knew quickly
why that wasn't happening. It's because I have not been fully
surrendered.
I have not been denying myself. All too
often I have given into fears or whatever seems more comfortable than
what is right. All the while hurting others and myself along the way.
All the while becoming more distant from Christ. I know I haven't
written an IBS (Inductive Bible study with and application) in a
while and to be honest it wasn't because I had no time, although I do
have very little. It's because doing this kind of study means revealing
where I miss the mark, which in of itself is not so much the problem, that happens anyways everyday, but each IBS must have an application.
When I write an application I can do one of two things:
1 write an application that is easy to
fulfill,
2 write an application I feel God
asking of me but is often difficult.
I don't like doing number 1 because
then I just wasted a bunch of time doing something that doesn't really
bring me closer to God, it just means I took cheap escape to make
others think I'm doing my spiritual homework.
Number 2 is hard to do, but I like the
fruit of it, still I in my weakness put off doing it because it's
hard.
The fact remains that I have a desire
to be closer to God. To grow.
I am saved, nothing will change that.
Satan cannot steal your salvation, but
he can take you out of the game and put you on the bench. He can make
you an ineffective and unfruitful christian.
What I was confronted with yesterday,
is that I can do one of two things. I can remain where I am in a
state that is slowly becoming more distant from God, or I can grow
closer to Him.
However I cannot grow closer to Him
without surrendering all, without denying myself.
As He said thousands of years ago.
“If anyone would come after me,
let him deny himself
and take up his cross daily
and follow me.”
I have this desire, the reason I came
here to begin with, to know God deeper. There is but one way to do
that. I have already started down the road of surrender in my
prayers.
Application.
Surrender totally to His will and walk
it out in obedience.
How?
An area of my life that is constantly
hard to surrender in is being open with others, but more so is
seeking help when I feel overwhelmed. I like to live in denial of my
weakness, and dislike others knowing that I am not doing ok. When I
am struggling tonight and tomorrow, I will go to one of my sisters in
Christ and ask for help or prayer.
Monday, July 25, 2016
Lord I Need You.
2 Corinthians 3:17
“Now the Lord is the Spirit,
and where the Spirit of the Lord is,
there is freedom.”
In order to explain what this verse
means to me I must give a little background. Paul is talking about
how the glory of the new covenant surpasses the glory of the old. And
as the old covenant has been ended so has it's glory. Paul calls it
the ministry of death, and of condemnation, as the law only had power
to convict us of sin and our utter helplessness to earn salvation.
I'd like to say I never live with this
veil over my eyes, of thinking that if I can live by some set of
rules I can be all right with God, but I do. The thing is then I
never feel like I'm all right with God, because I can never measure
up to the standard. That is why this verse impacts me. When I live
with that veil it is because I am looking to my own efforts. I am
looking at a law that I cannot fulfill. That I can never fulfill.
However when I look to Christ I find He is the fulfillment of the
law.
Where the law is there is death and
Condemnation. Where the voice of God is there is hope. I can say from
experience that when I talk during quiet time I walk away without any
answers and feeling a sadness and slavery of anxiety. When I listen
and let God speak I am convicted but I am also forgiven as I relent
and let God peel back the layers of my heart. I am reminded that
though I am helpless to save myself, that God is my help. I am
reminded that He understands my shortcomings, my failings, my pain,
and my utter brokenness, and it does not phase Him one bit.
Dependence is all He wants from me.
That's it, not striving, not keeping a perfect outward appearance,
not making everyone believe that I'm a great person. Just walking in
the light and admitting what I really am, a sinner and a failure,
that has been called His own. To be able to walk in honesty of who
you really are, that is freedom. To know that it is okay to fail and
fall sometimes, that God does not disown you. To be allowed to make
mistakes as you learn to walk beside Him. That is freedom.
To know that it is only by His strength
you may walk well, only by His Spirit living in you. To stop having
to rely on your own abilities, and begin relying on God for all you
need.
The Spirit speaks of Christ, and Christ
died on the cross, and rose again. Why? because I am a sinner, and
yet He still loved me. He has called me His own, and He leads me.
“My sin runs deep,
Your grace is more,
where grace is found,
is where you are,
and where you are,
Lord I am Free!
Holiness is Christ in me.”
Where the Spirit of the Lord is there
is freedom...
Application.
Live in the Spirit and not my own
abilities.
How?
Tomorrow I will make a time to
purposefully listen to the Spirit of God, and ask Him to reveal what
He wants to do in my heart.
Monday, July 11, 2016
Acid, puss, bitterness.
Ephesians 4:31-32
“Let all bitterness
and wrath
and anger
and clamor
and slander
be put away from you,
along with all malice.
Be kind to one another,
tenderhearted,
forgiving one another;
as God in Christ forgave you.”
As I read verse 31 I see a clear link,
these are not just a bunch of bad things all thrown together in a
list. I have seen it enough in my own life to know this, far too
often and sadly recently. I will say I am pretty irritable, and most
often it is because I have held onto some small hurt instead of
talking to the person who caused it. I let myself get bitter toward
them. I somehow forgot the grace that God showed me. The problem is
that bitterness eats at your insides like acid, it never stays
inside. Before I know it I am “venting” about how someone else
hurt me.
This is called slander, and it happens
when we stop looking at how God views us, and how He views those that
hurt us. Think gossip is harmless. There is nothing satan loves more
than to keep God's kids separated from each other. And gossip is one
of his best tools for doing that. Because not only does it separate
God's kids, it causes them to destroy one another. It is satan
managing to put the opposing army's uniform on your army's men and
women. It's blinding. The word malice is not something I understood
until a dear friend was talking to me about it one day, she said
malice is when you intend to do harm to another. Bitterness towards a
brother or sister in Christ is when you have started viewing them as
an enemy. Gossip is when you cause someone else to view them that
way. If that's not malicious I don't know what is. Never say
something about another that is negative even if it is true, you need
to go to them with it. Never listen to someone else say something
negative about another, because the moment you do it's like your
heart has been ripped in two. Even though you have trusted both the
gossiper and the one being gossiped about you suddenly don't know who
to trust anymore. And there it is, suddenly you're not all in the
same military any more. There are two sides and you have to choose
one to be loyal to. Satan has just created a battle within your own
camp, and the real enemy's military is standing back watching us tare
each other apart and laughing. So what do we do?
Bitterness is like a pimple sometimes
you have to pop it and get the gook out for it to heal. Sometimes you
have to go to the other person and talk with them and get out all the
gook before the relationship can be healed. In christian circles we
like to call this Matthew 18 ing someone. Or abiding by Matthew 18.
What does Matthew 18 say. Verses 15 says this
“Moreover
if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault
between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained
thy brother.
But
if he will not hear thee,
then take
with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three
witnesses every word may be established
And
if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it
unto
the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto
thee as an heathen man and a publican.”
Very
simple you go to them and talk it out.
However
some pimples just heal and go away on their own.
In
some cases of bitterness, you could be hurt without reason. In other
words you need to let it go. Someone once taught me the acronym
q-tip. Quit taking it personally. There have definitely been times
where I have been given constructive criticism, but I took it only as
criticism. People may say things that seem like they are meant as a
personal attack, but sometimes are only meant as instruction or a
form of endearment and love. You know when I most often have been
hurt by someone who never meant to hurt me? When I was taking myself
to seriously. And that has even been the case recently. I cannot help
but feel convicted and grieved over my inner self a lot. I see so
much that is messed up and hope others don't. Then I realize we're
all messed up and I need to give them the same grace I desire, heck,
that I need. Just because I hide does not mean others don't see it.
Like I said bitterness is like acid, it never stay inside, gossip is
only one of it's ugly heads. If you don't gossip you become
irritable. Every time I'm irritable it's because I'm either stressed
about something that I am insecure about, or upset by something
someone did to me. But enough about me. Surely if by taking myself
too seriously and staring at my own hurt is how I become bitter the
best way to keep from being bitter is to look at Christ and His love.
I got the privilage of seeing a man use his gifting from God today,
working with 50 pounds of clay. If God is the potter he doesn't see a
blob of mud He sees what it will be when He is finished with it.
Too
often when I look at my brothers and sisters I see the mud, and when
I look at them apart from God I will think they are a piece of crud
that will never change, what is the point of investing my time and
feelings in them only to be hurt? However if I allow myself to see
them in the hands of the potter there is nothing more that I want to
do than be involved. Apart
from the potter the clay can do nothing, it will only sit there and
remain the same or worse become hard and dry. However in the hand of
the potter, it will be made into a beautiful vessel that God can use
to accomplish his purposes.
“Be
kind to one another,
tenderhearted,
forgiving one another;
as
God in Christ forgave you.”
Eyes
that have looked into the heart of God cannot have a bitter heart.
If
I had stood at Calvary I imagine what I might have seen had Christ
laid His eyes on me.
I
was the one who put him there,
my
selfish heart of sin had followed the pleasures of this world,
not
caring for the consequence.
But
the heart of Christ knew the payment I would not be able to pay.
So
while He was hated and scorned for my sin,
his
eyes fell with love on me.
As
the weight of all I'd done sank in from the punishment I see,
my
heart melts and whispers God I give my life to thee.
Looking
into the eyes of ultimate love should melt our hearts to pour out
love on those who have even put us to death with their own selfish
actions. Otherwise we probably never believed we were really the
sinner that we are.
Application.
Replace
bitterness with love.
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
Flustered at best.
Romans 8:28
“And we know
that all things work together
for good
to them that love God,
to them
who are the called
according to his purpose.”
This week seems overwhelming. Two
schools, three English classes three kids clubs, one bus ministry, an
entire center to keep up, and various other things to do. Sure I'm
not doing it alone, praise the Lord I'm not the one managing the care
of the center, that is too much for any one person. I have my whole
team around me. Still it seems overwhelming. There is constantly
things falling apart around me, a leak in the wall of my room is a
constant reminder that things are not always ideal. My family has
it's own struggles that I can only catch bits and pieces of.
This verse is the fridge magnet, book
mark, wall hanging, in every bible promise book, A-typical christian
verse. I may be in a bit of a funk because I'm tired and feeling like
I have accomplished far less than I wanted today, but my heart has
become dull in understanding this verse. Yes I don't feel like
everything is working for good. Right about now I feel like
everything is working to show all my faults, failings and
inabilities. To show how much less I am than everyone else.
And maybe that is what God wants in a
way, to remind me that I am not supposed to be carrying all of this
on my back. That I am not the key and sole piece needed for this
ministry. To let me fall on my face when I try to do it alone so that
I can find out I was never the one doing it in the first place.
Feeling overwhelmed is simply the symptom of being in the mindset
that I'm the one in charge and responsible for everything going
smoothly.
Today I need to know that I'm not the
one who is in control.
That's what all this comes down to, the
struggle for control. You know the verse that says “Be still and
know that I am God.” Can be better translated “take your hands
off, and know that I am God.” In other words stop trying to
manipulate every situation.
It all comes down to trust, when I ask
someone for help I have to trust them to do what I ask. However if
I'm constantly hovering over their shoulder watching their every move
than I surely am not letting them help, and I'm frustrating them with
my own anxiety.
I can do the same with God sometimes
and imagine I am the one managing my own life and think of God as my
staff. Now I recoil to think that I would ever assume such a
position, yet my anxiety and actions prove that is what I'm doing.
Here's the good news about all of this,
as much as I overlook the meaning of this verse most days I don't
have to today.
This verse says that those who love
God, God will work everything together for good to them. That
immediately confronts and challenges my heart. Why? Because I know
love is not just a feeling, it is an action. What is love? I've heard
it said love is putting another's needs before your own. Love in this
case is obedience. God desires obedience through faith. Not through
our own striving, but through belief in the finished work of Christ,
and as we believe in all He did we cannot help but be changed by it.
For “the commands of the Lord are not burdensome to those who love
him.”
“And to them that are the called
according to his purpose.” The called, who are the called? The
called is every person. The gospel of Christ is to every person and
God calls every person to repent and be saved through Christ. What
can I derive from this verse? God is working everything to the
salvation of souls. How does that affect me? Everything I am going
through has meaning, there is no wasted tears, no wasted pain, no
wasted sorrow, no wasted grief.
God is sanctifying me through each
situation, or using it to bring me or another person closer to Him.
What does this mean? This means I don't
need to be anxious about anything. Even if what I deem to be the very
worst thing that could happen happens I can know that in God's eyes
it is the best. I have a finite view, He an infinite. When everything
seems to be falling apart it's actually falling into place, even
though I can't see how.
Application.
Trust God.
Trust God.
How?
I confessed to God that I had been
trying to do things in my own strength, and asked for him to be my
strength instead. Each day this week until Sunday I will make a point
to recognize my need before God for his help, strength, and trust him
to provide the words and discernment for each situation I am worried
about arising.
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