Flustered at best.

Romans 8:28

“And we know

that all things work together

for good

to them that love God,

to them

who are the called

according to his purpose.”

This week seems overwhelming. Two schools, three English classes three kids clubs, one bus ministry, an entire center to keep up, and various other things to do. Sure I'm not doing it alone, praise the Lord I'm not the one managing the care of the center, that is too much for any one person. I have my whole team around me. Still it seems overwhelming. There is constantly things falling apart around me, a leak in the wall of my room is a constant reminder that things are not always ideal. My family has it's own struggles that I can only catch bits and pieces of.

This verse is the fridge magnet, book mark, wall hanging, in every bible promise book, A-typical christian verse. I may be in a bit of a funk because I'm tired and feeling like I have accomplished far less than I wanted today, but my heart has become dull in understanding this verse. Yes I don't feel like everything is working for good. Right about now I feel like everything is working to show all my faults, failings and inabilities. To show how much less I am than everyone else.

And maybe that is what God wants in a way, to remind me that I am not supposed to be carrying all of this on my back. That I am not the key and sole piece needed for this ministry. To let me fall on my face when I try to do it alone so that I can find out I was never the one doing it in the first place. Feeling overwhelmed is simply the symptom of being in the mindset that I'm the one in charge and responsible for everything going smoothly.

Today I need to know that I'm not the one who is in control.

That's what all this comes down to, the struggle for control. You know the verse that says “Be still and know that I am God.” Can be better translated “take your hands off, and know that I am God.” In other words stop trying to manipulate every situation.

It all comes down to trust, when I ask someone for help I have to trust them to do what I ask. However if I'm constantly hovering over their shoulder watching their every move than I surely am not letting them help, and I'm frustrating them with my own anxiety.

I can do the same with God sometimes and imagine I am the one managing my own life and think of God as my staff. Now I recoil to think that I would ever assume such a position, yet my anxiety and actions prove that is what I'm doing.

Here's the good news about all of this, as much as I overlook the meaning of this verse most days I don't have to today.

This verse says that those who love God, God will work everything together for good to them. That immediately confronts and challenges my heart. Why? Because I know love is not just a feeling, it is an action. What is love? I've heard it said love is putting another's needs before your own. Love in this case is obedience. God desires obedience through faith. Not through our own striving, but through belief in the finished work of Christ, and as we believe in all He did we cannot help but be changed by it. For “the commands of the Lord are not burdensome to those who love him.”

“And to them that are the called according to his purpose.” The called, who are the called? The called is every person. The gospel of Christ is to every person and God calls every person to repent and be saved through Christ. What can I derive from this verse? God is working everything to the salvation of souls. How does that affect me? Everything I am going through has meaning, there is no wasted tears, no wasted pain, no wasted sorrow, no wasted grief.

God is sanctifying me through each situation, or using it to bring me or another person closer to Him.

What does this mean? This means I don't need to be anxious about anything. Even if what I deem to be the very worst thing that could happen happens I can know that in God's eyes it is the best. I have a finite view, He an infinite. When everything seems to be falling apart it's actually falling into place, even though I can't see how.

Application.
Trust God.

How?

I confessed to God that I had been trying to do things in my own strength, and asked for him to be my strength instead. Each day this week until Sunday I will make a point to recognize my need before God for his help, strength, and trust him to provide the words and discernment for each situation I am worried about arising.

I Am My Beloved's And My Beloved Is Mine...

Ephesians 1:3-6

“3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

who has blessed us in Christ

with every spiritual blessing

in the heavenly places,

4 even as he chose us

in him before the foundation of the world,

that we should be

holy and blameless before him.

In love

5 he predestined us for adoption

as sons through Jesus Christ,

according to the purpose of his will,

6 to the praise of his glorious grace,

with which he has blessed us in the beloved.”

As I look at this set of verses I feel as though I am looking more at a psalm than a new testament epistle, and I smile. I smile because of that little word beloved. I smile because He has chosen, not I have chosen, but He. I smile because it is according to the purpose of His will. I smile because I'm not perfect, because I am so incredibly broken, and yet He loves me. I smile because by God making His own Son a curse He has made available every spiritual blessing.

As I look at that word I wonder whom it is that is being referred to as beloved? Is he saying the church or Christ? Or both?

At first glance I would think Paul was referring to the church as the beloved. Now I must say quite the opposite Paul refers to Jesus as The Beloved.

I think Christ because the word “in” that is used in these last few verses often is referring to Christ. “Blessed us in Christ... Chose us in Him” “Blessed us in the beloved.”

The Beloved of the church and the Beloved of the Father. That word has such depth to it for me. I keep thinking of the song of Solomon, where that word is used so often. I think about the deep love between a married couple. I have not experienced such love as that, yet the longer I walk with God the more He opens my heart to knowing His love for me. The more He has grown my capacity to love my sisters in Christ, and the lost.

It is convicting in a way, Paul calling Christ the Beloved. I have known Jesus as my beloved, but how often do I sit before Him and be with Him? How often do I simply cherish Him? I know He cherishes me as beloved, and calls me beloved, waits on me and listens to my struggles. Patiently deals with my sin, and leads me into true life with Him. Yet so often I simply come to Him with a list of things that have been on my mind, with my anxieties and my troubles, like speaking through a phone never allowing myself to listen to His voice, like never looking into His face. I do not mean to say that bringing my troubles to Him is wrong, by all means we should go to God with our struggles. 1^St peter 5:7 says “casting all your cares on him for he cares for you.” What I mean to say is this, God will hear those prayers, but prayer is not about us getting what we want, and sometimes I think I treat it that way. However Prayer is about spending time with God. God does not need me, but I feel a great sense of sadness in treating someone I claim to love that way. I feel sad because of the Great love with which He has loved me. I feel I am missing the best part of my time if I ask God to help the circumstance, but do not allow time for Him to show me His heart. And that I am doing an injustice to Him when I know He truly wants to spend time with me. Yes He wants to hear my anxieties but not only that, He wants all of my heart. Paul was a man who cherished Christ as the Beloved. Am I?

Application.

Cherish Jesus.

How?

I will make a time this week to spend alone with God and worship Him.

I Am...

Exodus 5:22-6:7

“22 Then Moses turned to the LORD and said, 'O LORD, why have you done evil to this people? Why did you ever send me?

23 For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in your name he has done evil to this people, and you have not delivered your people at all.'

1 But the LORD said to Moses, 'Now you shall see what I will do to Pharaoh; for with a strong hand he will send them out, and with a strong hand he will drive them out of this land.'

2 God Spoke to Moses and said to him, 'I am the LORD,

3 I appeared to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, as God Almighty, but by my name the LORD I did not make myself known to them.

4 I also Established my covenant with them to give them the land of Caanan, the land in which they lived as sojourners.

5 Moreover, I have heard the groaning of the people of Israel whom the Egyptians hold as slaves, and I have remembered my covenant.

6 Say therefore to the people of Israel, 'I am the LORD, and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will deliver you from slavery to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with great acts of Judgment.

7 I will take you to be my people, and I will be your God, and you shall know that I am the Lord your God, who has brought you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians.”

Let me give some background to this story, Moses and Aaron had just requested Pharaoh that the Hebrews would be given leave to go three days journey into the wilderness and sacrifice to God.

And to that Pharaoh responded in anger calling them lazy, saying that the work must be to easy for them if they had extra time to think about worshiping God in the wilderness. So he made their labor harder by giving them no straw to make brick. That left them with mud, and they were still expected to finish they sam amount of bricks each day.

After that the taskmasters beat the Hebrew foremen because they were not making their quota. the foremen evidently did not know what had transpired between Pharaoh, Moses, and Aaron, because after being beaten they asked the taskmaster why such unfair expectations had been placed on them, and why they were being beaten for it. After being told why the people began a pattern that would cover much of Moses' life. The people came complaining to Moses and blamed him for the evil done to them, because (in their words) Moses had “made us stink in sight of Pharaoh and his servants.”

Here is where we come upon Moses and our text. How does Moses deal with a tough and painful situations. He turned to God. I wonder how often it is that I do that, at least how often I do it right away. Because to be honest in Moses' situation I would have tried to defend myself to those people, I would have probably blown up, or gone off to be alone and pout. However that is not what Moses did. Moses didn't wait, he was not concerned with what those around him thought but with what God had to say.

Next Moses was honest. Is it good to blame God for doing evil that someone else has done? I think not, but I also think that God knows we are human, and I think there is a sort of respect in bringing our anger to people or God even if it in of itself is a wrong attitude. I think it's good because it is giving God the chance to deal with it. I think it is also a way of trying to continue the relationship instead of cutting it off.

It was a mistake to place the blame of another man's evil on God though, and it is so easy for me as a human with a finite mind to draw the conclusion that God is unjust and unfair, when in reality I am simply unable to see the whole picture as God sees it.

“Why did you ever send me? For since I came...” Maybe now the anger is being turned inward by Moses. When something goes wrong in ministry first my heart wants to blame someone else or maybe even God for what happened, then the anger is turned inward and I feel it is all my fault. When in reality I have done just as God has asked me, but because of painful circumstances I feel I have made a mess of everything and cry out “why did you ever send me?” Yet God told Moses back in Ex 4:21 That He would harden Pharaoh's heart so that he would not let the people of Israel go. If Moses had remembered that maybe he would have been less discouraged. God told me He would bring me out of the desert into the promise land, He told me I would have to continue to be broken over and over again, and maybe that is what I had forgotten, that to get to the promise after passing the Jordan I have to fight battles to claim the land God gave me. The good news is as God says it is time to enter the promise land I can know He will give me the victory in those battles.

“You have not delivered your people at all,”

Moses was looking at the immediate and often I do that too. God you said you would do x y and z, but I cannot see any proof of it. However looking at the immediate robs us of a hopeful heart. For no one hopes for what he already has or what he can see.

God had a greater plan, He could have delivered the people right away but He didn't and the reason was because what would follow Pharaoh's hard heart were the very miracles to prove that it was no accident that Israel was freed from Egypt. It was to build their faith, and the children's faith, and their children's children's faith. I think of the death of Lazarus, and how his sister while he was alive but sick was looking for the immediate relief of healing. Yet Jesus purposely waited until it was what most would think too late. However by it many people came to believe in Him.

Many times we want immediate deliverance from pain yet in waiting God will do something even more amazing to grow our faith though it takes longer.

As Moses pours out his heart before God, does God stay silent?

No and in verse one of chapter six we see some words that so often turn a scary tale into a fairy tale.

“But the LORD.” We were dead dead in sin, but God. I had no hope, but God. I thought that I would never go to the IGNITE, but God. I thought I would never be able to confront anyone, but God.

As soon as God steps into our lives everything changes.

He tells Moses again, that Israel will be free, and the very Pharaoh that has treated them so wrongly will practically throw them out.

Then God does something truly amazing He tells Moses how Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob knew Him as God almighty, but by my name Jehovah was I not known to them. This is an important passage, there are debates as to whether this means that this would be the first time God had been called by this name or not but that is not important. The meaning is clear, deep, and it is refreshing like a cold mountain lake. The name Jehovah is one of action, He is saying I am, I am revealing myself to you. I am what you need, and you will know the meaning of my name by experience. In verse 4 He says I AM a fulfiller of my promises, I AM the one who hears your cries, I am the one who remembers. In verse 6 I am the one who delivers and redeems you. In verse 7 I am your God. But something else wonderful happens in verse 7 as He reveals His identity, He gives Israel their own identity. He calls them His own.

And to think through Moses turning to God in time of trouble even though His heart was all wrong we can see such beauty. It makes me think Pressure reveals what's inside. In Moses it revealed a dependance on God, and weakness. In God it revealed Strength, and goodness.

Application.

Turn to God first.

How?

Tomorrow morning in my devotions I will lift up the burdens on my heart to God.

A Little Bit.

Ephesians 1:4

“Even as He chose us

in Him

before the foundation of the world,

that we should be

holy and blameless

before Him.

In love”

He chose us in Him. Tonight at chapel we talked about psalm 139. This may seem irrelevant and hopefully it's not but I feel there is a connection. I don't know about how you may feel, but one thing I know, if I were picking players for a team, I would overlook myself. I may try hard but often I don't work well with others, I rub people the wrong way, and don't take initiative when I need to.

Tonight as we talked about pslam 139, our speaker made this point about God's creation. Our God is an extravagant God. Not in that He is frilly, or posh, or proud, but in that He is a maker beautiful things and spares no expense. Everything God put His hand to He made incredibly beautiful.

Again I say He chose us. I don't really know why, but I do know it's not because of anything I can offer Him.

I think perhaps it's because despite all the brokenness in me Jesus can see the masterpiece underneath. Not that I am something special, but that He wants to make me something special. He loves us as His children, and as a creator His creation. God is far beyond me, and His thoughts are not my thoughts. However I can't help but think that if we are God's masterpiece He has put some of His own self into His art.

I remember when I first started drawing a bit, I made a drawing as a possible decoration for our church's new youth building. The youth pastor said something about how they had a guy who could make it more appealing to the youth. I was a little upset by that. Not a lot, but a bit. Was it because of pride? Maybe, but I still remember the specific reason it bothered me. I had made that drawing from my heart, to communicate a specific message, and in so doing I had put a little of myself into it. To change that piece would corrupt the message of my heart.

It says in Genesis 1:26 that God said “let us make man in our image.” Perhaps this is a bit of why sin is so marring and disgusting. God made us to reflect Himself, not with the same attributes of being almighty, or all knowing, or even all present, but with His characteristics. Loving, kind, just, patient etc.

Sin is like taking a sharpy and scribbling over the Mona Lisa.

God made this beautiful expression of Himself, and our sin destroyed it. The good news is my artist is not dead.

If something happens to a painting of mine, I can do one of two things. Try to restore the painting to what it was originally, or else I might cover it in white canvas primer and make a new masterpiece out of it. Both are wonderful ways of showing what God does with us, when we first come to Him He pours His blood out on us and makes us white as snow, then He begins painting a new masterpiece out of our lives.

Sometimes we wander from God and certain areas of our heart become damaged, we stop being loving, we become irritable. As we walk through this world we develop water spots, maybe smoke stains and soot cover what were once rich colorful portraits of grace. This may have happened because we did not put on our armor for protection each day as we are commanded in Ephesians 6. Perhaps it is because we chose to dwell in a house that caught on fire. In other words spending large amounts of time with non believers and getting caught up in their lifestyle.

When this happens we can be thankful that our God is a restorer.

He cleans away our blemishes once again, cleans up the canvas and fills in where the colors have become dull and lifeless. He makes us holy and blameless, and He has chosen us to stand before Him in this way. All this He planned before any of us took a breath, before He had formed the very earth's foundations by the breath of His mouth. He planned for us to be created beautiful, would watch us fall, and then in the greatest act of love die in our place, to present us holy and blameless. Wow.

“In love” is actually the beginning of a new sentence though it does flow well with the previous verse it is speaking to how God predestined us. He predestined us to be children of God, by what Jesus did. However the best part is at the end where it says “according to the good pleasure of His will.” Not the good pleasure of my will, or my friends will. How grateful I am that God initiated this relationship, because I know that He really wants to be in my life. How sad it is that I can take that so lightly, or struggle to believe it on some days. I have been struggling to wake up early in the morning as I aught to for my quiet time lately. That gives me a bad start, and it makes it hard for me to believe I can stand before Him holy and blameless. I already find so many reasons for fault and blame on my part every day. Yet because of what Jesus has done, I can come before Him as a child of His, without blame, clean and set apart for His work.

Application.

Take quiet time more seriously.

How?

If I have trouble waking up early some days this week I will try to find a little time to be apart from everyone and spend time with God.

The Whisper.

“No one can come to me

unless the Father who sent me draws him.

And I will raise him up on the last day.”

John 6:44

One of my favorite books is probably the gospel of John. The I am statements when I was first getting to know my savior and trust Him are what I love about it. Our theme this month is God seeking us, and I read this verse at a time when I felt I was seeking God, but in reality God was drawing me. One of my favorite verses just a few verses previous to this one.

“All that the Father gives me will come to me,

and whoever comes to me I will never cast out.”

This verse was an incredible comfort to me, as I realized that not only did I desire God, but God desired me. IBS is usually something I do for my own growth first and foremost. However I know that it will not only be read by me. I want to encourage whoever it is that reads these, because this is the reason I came here in the first place. If you feel like you cannot be with God, know that is a lie. If you think that God can't love you, it is the enemy deceiving you. If you are seeking God, know that He is also seeking you. I want you to know that if you come to Jesus to repent of your sins He will not cast you out.

Why is it so important to me that others understand this? Because in believing the lie that God doesn't want me, I have been robbed of so much joy. I have felt incredible fear. I have been unable to face the day. I have gone into spirals of deep depression. I am passionate about God's passion for people, because of His great love for me. And I don't ever want people to be stuck in the lie that I have been. I truly believe that this truth will change you from the inside out.

This truth, what truth is that? That though your sins may be great, your pain deep, and you feel like you cannot be free of your own evil desire. Your drug addiction, depression, alcoholism whatever it may be. Jesus died for that, and He rose again to save you from the consequence of hell, to restore you to having a relationship with Him. He rose again from the dead proving that He is God, and that He does have power to save you from your sins. If you believe on Him and repent of your sins, His Holy Spirit will come and live in you, so that you will be filled with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control. Self control, you no longer have to bow to evil desires, and self destructive behaviors in your life, Jesus gives you freedom. He makes you new.

The gospel, is That Jesus died on a cross and rose again so that we could have a right relationship with God again. Why don't we already have right relationship with Him? Sin. What is sin? Sin is simply disobedience to God, Others have likened it to missing the mark, or missing your destiny if you will. God made us in His image when we sin, that image of Him is distorted, because He is righteous. Not only that, but we were made for relationship with Him, so when we sinned we became separated from Him. God is just, justice and love actually go hand in hand. If a person stole your money and an officer did nothing to stop them, that would be unjust, and you would feel very unloved. So God must punish sin. Someone had to take the punishment for our sins, but rather than putting us to death God would rather allow His own Son die for us. In dying on that Cross all the punishment that should have been poured out on me, and that I rightly deserved was poured out on Christ instead. And since He was holy there was no way He could have been dying for His own sins.

He said “It is finished” on the cross and He meant it.

Because of Him I don't have to do anything to earn my way into knowing God. He just loves me already and wants me. This is not a license to go out and sin either. Why would I want to sin anyways? Sin is what brought me to a place where I did not have a healthy relationships with God or others. Brought me into a state of feeling worthless and out of control, of depression.

The truth is God wants me, and He wants you, and He has done everything to make a way for that relationship to happen. In the end it is our choice to accept it or not accept it. All the while He is whispering to you, drawing you, if you hear His voice, don't believe the lie that He doesn't want you. His words say otherwise, and His actions proves their worth.

“And I will raise him up on the last day.”

I believe this is speaking to Heaven, when the old earth is crashing to pieces, God will be keeping us safe and bringing us into His kingdom.

All this to say that this is what this verse means to me, and this is why I am here, I am here Because God has sought and is seeking me. He has a passion for me and others. He does not need to me to be a witness to His great love. In fact I think He could tell people far better without me. He brought me here because He wanted to do a work in me more than through me. I trust that. And as He does that work in me it is impossible for it not to end up affecting others.

Application.

Press into His love more.

How?

Within this next week I want to find a time alone to worship Him, and simply be in His presence.

Remember Me.

Colossians 1:21-23

“And you, who once were alienated

and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds,

he has now reconciled in his body of flesh

by his death, in order to present you holy and

blameless and above reproach before him,

if indeed you continue in faith, stable and steadfast,

not shifting from the from the hope of the gospel that you heard,

which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven,

and of which

I, Paul became a minister.”

When I have walked in the flesh, I have felt hostile, and alienated not only from God but others as well. We talked about the Holy Spirit in chapel last Thursday, and walking in the Spirit. My walk with Christ has been like a bumpy road some days, and sitting beside a serene lake on others. As I think about how it has been most recently I think of the bumpy road again. As I think longer maybe not so much like a bumpy road as like walking through nothingness. My times of prayer are either somewhat fervent, or else simply empty.

The answer is quite simple to all of this, I have been walking in the flesh. Perhaps not in big ways, but more like slowly covering my ears when I hear His voice.

The problem is when I stifle His voice once, try not to feel the guilt of ignoring Him, I stop feeling altogether. Worst of all, when I wish to seek out His counsel again, it's hard to tell which voice is His because I have become so accustomed to the others I have listened to, my own, or friends or for all I know, the devil himself. There comes a point where the conscience can become seared beyond repair, I pray I never get there. What can also happen is a person can forget their first love. What is scary is this tends to happen to those who are working in ministry.

“I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name's sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first.” Revelation 2:2-4 This admonishment was written to the Church of Ephesus.

I am incredibly prone to this. I get busy and that's when I stop listening to His voice, I start thinking I can do ministry and life without Him. I don't say this proudly but to my own shame. When I start thinking I have it all together, I hold it all together that's when my relationship with Him begins to fall apart. I can be doing good works and still have a dirty and crooked heart. Why? Because somewhere along the way I forgot the reason I was doing ministry in the first place. I abandoned my first love. I forgot that how He saved me and loved me is the reason I love others. Works in ministry are still walking in the flesh if I am not relying on His Spirit, and am instead relying on my flesh. My gaze has shifted from living in communion with Him to finishing tasks put before me. As I forget my reason for serving, I become lazy. However the admonishment does not end in verse 4.

“Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.” Revelation 2:5

The answer is very simple, Remember. Remember just what this Scripture is saying.

“he has now reconciled in his body of flesh

by his death, in order to present you holy and

blameless and above reproach before him, “

If I don't remember where I came from and what He has done for me I will let my hope be shifted. It will shift from Him to myself. And when I look only at myself since there is nothing good in myself, I become full of guilt. When I don't look to Him to deal with my guilt I begin to stuff it, and I get numb. This is why I feel I am walking through nothingness when with Him, because instead of dealing with my sin I'm ignoring it, I am ignoring that there is an answer to it. As I ignore those things I ignore His very presence.

During training one of the ways I made my prayer times intentional was by simply confessing and turning from my sin, then leaving it there with Him. Allowing Him to deal with it. Many Times He spoke words of Kindness and love into my heart during that, and I was able to start growing in my relationship with Him again, and move forward. As that happened I began growing in my other relationships.

I need to remember from where I have fallen. Where I started my walk was Faith, now as the verse says I must continue in that Faith, by it I remain stable and steadfast. That my hope does not shift from Jesus to myself or earthly pleasure. As I remember the depth of God's love and the hope I have in Him it will flow out into sharing the gospel with others.

When I first came to Ignite a Scripture popped out to me. And I am still chewing on and thinking about it 5 months later.

“remember the former things of old;
for I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me,
declaring the end from the beginning
and from ancient times things not yet done,
saying, ‘My counsel shall stand,
and I will accomplish all my purpose,’
calling a bird of prey from the east,
the man of my counsel from a far country.
I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass;
I have purposed, and I will do it.

“Listen to me, you stubborn of heart,
you who are far from righteousness:
I bring near my righteousness; it is not far off,
and my salvation will not delay;
I will put salvation in Zion,
for Israel my glory.”” Isaiah 46:9-13

When I meditate on these verses I find Hope, especially as I read that He bring His righteousness near.

Essentially God is telling me remember who I Am everyday, remember that I am near, and remember what I have done in you.

Application.

Be present in prayer by remembering Who God is, and that He is before me.

How?

Each morning at the beginning of my prayer time this week I will confess my sins and receive forgivness for them. I will also write one time I remember God acting in my life to show me His forgiveness each day this week.

Fruit.

John 15:16

“You did not choose me,

but I chose you

and appointed you

that you should go and bear much fruit

and that your fruit should abide,

so that whatever you ask the Father in my name,

he may give it you.”

I have always loved this verse. I have loved that I was chosen, not because I am in any way smarter, or stronger or taller, but because I am loved. When I read this verse I wonder about what the word fruit symbolizes. When I was a little kid I always thought fruit or harvest referred to how many people you lead to Christ. The first time I had the analogy paired with Fruits of the Spirit I actually got a bit worried, I was young and I felt it would be much more difficult to grow in my character than lead someone to Christ. At the same time I felt a sort of relief, God wasn't up there counting tally marks to see if I was making my quota of saved souls, which was zero at the time.

Right now I think about that word abide again, I feel there was a time of incredible growth in my spiritual walk when I was younger, and there was a lot of spiritual fruit, love so deep, peace like no other, and joy in so many situations. As I look at my life recently and what goes on in my heart behind the scenes, the amount of fear and anxiety is just stupid. I don't how I lost my sensitivity, the urgent feeling of love for souls in need. Except that it was little by little. The good news is at least I can remember what it felt like, and I know I miss it.

That your fruit should abide, as I read that today it troubled me. I thought my fruit isn't abiding I'm not a true christian. It's still troubles me. However as I think of that I think about the fact that Jesus wants these things to abide in believers. And that is wonderful thing to think. God who made everything chose me, and through what His Son did bought me, and He wishes to grow in me and have me live in love. Love does no evil to another therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.

He wants me to live in peace, without fear of tomorrow or yesterday, of man or beast, of life or death. He wants me to live in Joy. Not necessarily an absence of pain, but a sense of, I do not even know how to describe it. Hopefulness and fulfillment in His presence in the midst of any sorrowful circumstance perhaps?

He wants me to live patiently, patient with others and patiently expecting His return. I often feel myself drawn to patient people, people who are not easy to stress out, it is comforting knowing that it is difficult to make someone upset. God also wants to work that patience into me, and it only comes through confidence in Him.

He wants me to live in Kindness. There is the old saying “Kindness is a great gift and it's free.” Kindness does not have to be some great gesture, it is as simple as a hug, a prayer or a smile, it is ministering to someones heart through ministering to their needs. Whether those needs are physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, it is kindness.

God wants me to live in goodness, what is goodness. I remember growing up the word good had very little meaning to me, food is good, water is good, playing is good, etc. When I understood the gospel and met Jesus as He met the needs of my heart I understood what goodness was. Jesus is goodness, God is goodness. Good took on a whole new depth, a depth that is beyond description for me, except to say God is good, and good is God. To live in Goodness is to reflect Jesus, and to reflect Him is to walk in knowing Him.

He wishes me to live in faithfulness, in remaining a person to be trustworthy. A person diligent to do as they have said they would. He would have me walk in gentleness, gentleness is more than simply being master of your own physical strength, it is more than being careful in how you hug others. To be gentle is to be gentle in attitude, speech, and action. To address one another in a respectful way during disagreements, to speak well of others, to be slow to anger or act in anger physically.

Lastly He wishes me to live with self control. How awful it is to feel out of control, how often in those times our circumstance being beyond my control, I let my emotions take over. What an awful thing to be a slave to my own desire.

As I think of this word abide, and to have something abide in you, I think of my mind and heart like a house. If someone comes to live in my house I must allow them to abide, and must abide myself in the home in order for us to be together. That troubling thought at the beginning of this IBS of not being a true christian I think is simply that, a fear. I have felt and lived out these fruits a lot in my life, by no strength of my own. In fact that seems to be the only way to abide.

“That whatever you ask the Father in my name He may give it you.”

If I have lost my peace, or my joy, or my love, etc it's because I am not abiding in God's love as I aught, but am instead striving for independence from Him. Maybe it started with the best intentions, I don't want to bother God for help, I'll just do it myself. However in Reality, He is my loving Father and savior and He desires me to come to Him with my needs. What bothers Him is me trying to do things my own way.

This month's theme of God seeking us, but it's more than that, He is also seeking our Good. As I allow these things to abide in me not only am I blessed but also those around me. God not only chose me but appointed me, to grow in these fruits, that they abide in me and that only happens as I am choosing to abide in Christ. That all starts at 5:30 in the morning when the alarm goes off, it starts with the decision to sit up and get dressed instead of hitting snooze. It's starts with remembering that God chose me not the other way around.

Application.

Spend time abiding in Christ.

How?

Keep to waking up at 5:30 as a habit this coming week, except on my day off, when I will get up by 7:00am.