Stop Living On The Doorstep Of Hell.

Matthew 18:15

“If your brother sins against you,

go and tell him his fault,

between you and him alone.

If he listens to you,

you have gained your brother.”

This verse goes against my very nature. My sin nature obviously. I'd rather pretend nothing happened than go and tell someone they did something to hurt me. I don't want to put strain on the relationship, I don't want drama. When it's something small this isn't really much of an issue I think, most times people just forget and move on. However when someone is actively manipulating and hurting you this becomes a problem. The cause of this is plain and simple, fear. I am an over thinker, I think about every possible outcome it seems, except the good ones. And I find myself in all of this to be the biggest coward ever to have lived. I know all the scriptures of God being on my side when I do the right thing, yet this fear still overpowers me daily.

“If your brother sins” It is important to judge according to God's word in these matters. Because I'm an emotional being prone to always thinking that someone else is in the wrong, I could easily destroy a relationship by always trying to get my own way, with the excuse that “they hurt me.”

“go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.” Whatever you do, do not make a public scene of things. Yet another place where I fail considerably, I try to address things in the moment that they happen, which is normally in a group of people. That instantly slanders the one being rebuked. Taking the time to seek them out and address the matter without an audience shows honor and love to the one you are rebuking. It keeps them from going on the defensive right away and removes peer pressure and fear.

“If he listens to you” There is no guarantee that he will listen to you, as it goes on in the scripture with each step of confronting the brother in sin, he may choose to listen, or he may not. He may turn nasty on you, say hurtful things etc. This is where the fear of course lies, we all fear being rejected and hurt. However “to consider persons and events and situations only in the light of their affect on myself is to live on the doorstep of hell.” ~Thomas Merton. As much as it is important to reconcile with others, and as real as the danger is of developing bitterness in your heart is, it's actually not about you.

Jesus was others minded when He came and died for us, and rose again. He was others minded when He called us to repent. He was others minded when He was Kind to us in the midst of our depravity. When you go to tell a brother of his fault it should be because you are minded of him and not yourself. When a brother continually sins against you, he is wandering from God and getting off course. We all need accountability, and if we do not give that we are robbing each other of true fellowship.

So yes he may not listen, yes he may reject you, but what if he does listen? Then you “have gained your brother,” not only that but being able to talk things out tends to make friendships even stronger than before. When we are strong together, we are better equipped for the work of the ministry. Indeed if there is division in a government, or army, it will be destroyed. United we stand, divided we fall.

So in all reality it is not about you, or at the very least it is not only about you. So before confronting a brother always ask, is it sin? Is what I'm going to say going to benefit him? Is how I'm going to say it honoring him and God?

Application.

Stop living on the doorstep of hell.

How?

Tonight before bed I will pray for courage to do speak when God asks me to.